1. PENIS DESIGN
A lot of men are self conscious about their penis. They don’t like the fact that it is too big, or too small, or bending, or too thin when erect. Once a man is negative about his own penis, he cannot sustain an erection because sustaining an erection requires self-confidence.
Brother, no matter how God created your penis, embrace it and be confident in working with it
With the society becoming sexually liberal, masturbating acts have increased. Some men, either because they can’t get a woman to sleep with, or out of fear of cheating, or out of fear of catching sexual diseases, or because they choose to wait till marriage, or because it was a habit they acquired from a young age have been masturbating for years. Some they masturbate forcefully and hurriedly, this has caused damage to the sensations on the penis and how the mind perceives pleasure and so they don’t or won’t even enjoy a real vagina. For some, they find masturbation more pleasurable than a woman because they control their fantasies, they know the right pressure to use and how to touch themselves.
Brother, unlearn what you have taught your body. Deny your mind the chance to continue reading pleasure as self-given and preserve it for your wife. Confess to your wife if you have a habit of masturbating so that she can be patient as you unlearn. Teach her how to sustain your erection by telling her how you want her to please you
3. PAST RIDICULE BY WOMEN
One of the most cruel ways a woman can hurt a man is by mocking his penis or the performance of his penis. Brother, if a woman made fun of you or your sexual ways, that was a hurt woman who couldn’t speak anything but hurt. Hurt people hurt people.
If that woman was your wife, forgive her harsh words and heal as you help her to heal. If it was an ex, forgive and release her words from your system. You will find a wife who finds you sexy and who will enjoy more than your penis but also your mind, your conversations, personality and character
4. PAST RIDICULE BY MEN
Grown boys (not mature enough to be called men) bully by attacking a fellow man’s penis. They joke about a fellow man’s penis whether it is circumcised or uncircumcised, long or short. Most men who receive this mockery pretend to be OK but it hurts them inside as it makes them question their masculinity.
Brother, do not give bullies the power to see yourself through their childish eyes. Bullies are actually insecure. Cancel those words before their words make you insecure about your penis
5. SEXUAL ABUSE
Men have gone through sexual abuse too. For some, they were sexually molested by an older woman, perhaps a househelp, an aunt, a neighbour or a teacher; others by a male relative, schoolmates in boarding schools or gangs. Abuse has a way of messing up your sexual view and thus affecting your erection or your sustaining of that erection.
Brother, if you went through abuse, you need to heal. You cannot allow a predator/s who took advantage of you define you for life. Take back power, including your sexual power. Seek counselling if possible
Men who cheat pretend to be OK with cheating but their conscience eats them up. Once the conscience eats them up, they struggle to enjoy the act especially with the woman they are cheating on. This is how wives pick up infidelity by noticing their husband’s libido has dipped or the husband who used to stay hard for long, nowadays finds staying hard a hard task.
Brother, make peace with yourself and reconcile back to your marriage. Your conscience is warning you to go back to your wife
When you have or have had multiple sexual partners or even multiple people you sex-text/phone sex with on social media or even multiple porn stars you look at online; this will confuse your mind. When you are making love to your wife, your mind will move away from your wife to start thinking about your many other female options as you look for the mental image to sustain your erection but in doing so, you lose your erection. The erection requires a built-up one train of thought, not a series of thoughts of different women. This is why some men think about their ex or a porn star or a woman they desire when making love to a wife they have a negative thought of.
Brother, clear your mind of clutter. Purify your mind of the registered sexual memories or videos stored up in your mental folder. See your wife in a positive light, water her and you will find her sexy
8. UNHEALTHY MINDSET
Some men have an unhealthy mindset of sex mainly due to cultural views that tell them sex is a tool of power to dominate a woman and this conflicts with the man’s desire to love a woman, or religious views which make sex appear evil or restricted to only for procreation purposes. This unhealthy mindset inhibits a man to be comfortable with his wife, and without comfortability, there can not be intimacy.
Brother, see love making for the beauty that it is; a gift to enjoy with your wife and not just a baby making or power chasing act. When you allow yourself to relax and enjoy your wife, she will do things that will drive your penis and body crazy. Women love to sexually please the man they love and who loves them
9. SHAME ABOUT BEING A ONE MINUTE MAN
Society has largely ridiculed men who don’t last longer in bed, hit songs have even been made about it. This shame has made some men shy away from love-making and put so much pressure on some men that an erection is hard to come by or to be sustained when the wife is naked and ready.
Brother, sex is not a competition. You may be a one minute man but give her the most amazing one minute as you celebrate your love for each other. But if you want to last longer there are some techniques you can use… Relax, pull out when you feel you are about to climax, keep changing positions and let her know when you are about to climax so that she slows down the rythmn. In the event that you do climax before her, find other ways to please her, don’t just doze off or turn away with guilt. She loves you and she wants to enjoy pleasure with you. The penis is not the only tool
10. THE PENIS IS NOT THE CENTER
In as much as the penis is the one that ejaculates, for some men, the penis is not the center of pleasure. For some men, the center is their nipples, or ears, or back, or balls… These pleasure points which trigger an erection will not be discovered if the focus is always the penis.
Brother, don’t shy away from being naked with your wife. Allow her to study you and find secrets about your body. Those secrets are what will excite and sustain your erection
By Dayan Masinde
Dayan Masinde is a Nairobi based Kenyan artist specializing in Poetry, Fine Art, Portrait Art, Murals, Creative Writing, Music, Illustrations and Animation. He is often described as “The Artist Inspired by Love” because of his use of artistic expressions to inspire, celebrate and help understand the mystery of love. His poetry book “WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE” is available for purchase worldwide on amazon.